Canterbury Tales from the Record Bin: Lou Waxman on The Poetry of Geoffrey Chaucer

They are remaking The Odyssey yet again.  We have all the stories we need by this point in history.  We do not need any new ones.  Just remake all the old shit.  All the new shit would just be AI anyway.  Lou is not sure he needs a new Odyssey, but he would go for a new Canterbury Tales.  Maybe on HBO with high production values, good looking actors, and sex scenes.  The Canterbury Tales as a porn is what Lou really wants.  It was done in 1985 as Ribald Tales of Canterbury with Hyapatia Lee.  Pier Paolo Pasolini did a mature version in 1972.  It is full of nudity, sex, and slapstick.  Pasolini also did the same deal with The Decameron and Arabian Nights.  Fuck The Odyssey.  Let’s make The Canterbury Tales happen.  Again.

In college Lou was an English major and there were very few requirements to get the credits you needed for a major.  These lax requirements meant that Lou could take courses on Baseball Literature, Holocaust Literature, The Bible as Literature, Yiddish Literature and Literature and Monsters and all types of bullshit.  To be honest this was good for Lou because it got him introduced to topics he never would have thought about and Lou was dedicated to reading absolutely everything on the syllabus including the recommended reading.  So, these courses were not a joke because Lou lived in the library reading.

One of the only requirements to be an English major was that you had to take an advanced course in either Chaucer, Shakespeare, or Milton.  This was an easy choice for Lou.  Milton was definitely out.  He dabbled in Milton in an English Literature survey from 1500 to 1800 and the thought of a semester of Milton intimidated Lou to be honest.  Milton was serious shit.  

There was no way Lou could take the course on Shakespeare.  Lou was a legacy kid as both his mother and his father went to the same college and Lou’s father, also an English major, was adamant about one piece of advice to the young Lou.  Do not take the Shakespeare course.  The professor was a complete dick, and he was still there like a Supreme Court judge never to retire until he died with his First Folio in his lap by the fire with a glass of sherry.  Shakespeare was out.

That left Chaucer.  Coming into the course Lou knew the first ten lines or so of the Prologue and nothing else about Chaucer.  Lou did not have high hopes for the course, but requirements are requirements, so Lou would make the best of it.  It turned out to be one of the best classes Lou took in undergrad.  On the first day of class the professor said that he re-read Chaucer every single summer before the new semester and he wondered if he could go through with it.  After decades of dealing with the material did it still have anything new to say to him.  And at the end of every summer, Chaucer came through and continued to fascinate him.  Come September he was excited to discuss Chaucer with a new group of students.  

Lou believes it.  Chaucer, like Shakespeare and Milton, is the type of author you can spend your whole life reading.  You do not need to mess with anybody else.  These are desert island guys.  If you were shipwrecked with the Complete Works of any of these three guys you would never be bored and always find something new.  This is true throughout literary history from the ancient Greeks forward.  Lou wonders if it is true any longer.  Lou loves the literature of the post-WII era but is there any novelist, playwright or poet that Lou would want to be stuck on a desert island with?  Lou is absolutely obsessed with William Burroughs, but would Burroughs suffice on a desert island?  Probably not.  There is nothing in the 21st Century in terms of literature that would keep Lou occupied.  

Chaucer just might.  At the very least Lou would have to spend quite a bit of time getting used to the language and then there is all the variety in the various tales.  In a sense the impetus for the tales is desert island stuff.  The pilgrims were on a long journey and needed to entertain themselves and pass the time.  Very similar situation.  

Chaucer, like Milton, is kind of a one trick pony.  There is The Canterbury Tales and Paradise Lost.  That is all Lou would need.  There is other shit but those are the major works.  With Shakespeare Lou would hope to be stranded with the complete works.  There are numerous major works.  He isn’t a band with one good album.  Lots of bangers.  That is why Shakespeare is the end all and be all.  There is hit after hit after hit.  The guy was prolific like nobody else in the history of literature.  Lou was glad he did not have to do it, but in Lou’s opinion you should not be able to be a literature major without taking a course on Shakespeare.  The same goes for a course on the Bible.  And Greek literature.  Like it or not this is the basis for everything.  There are those who were directly influenced by these sources and then even more interestingly there are those who were reacting against these sources.  In order to oppose something, you must be intimately schooled in what you are opposing.  Or at least that used to be true.  This is probably no longer the case (nobody has actually read Marx for example), which may be why 21st Century literature is so weak.  To be honest, nobody is well read in what they support either (nobody has actually read Marx for example).

Anyway, you might be asking what the fuck does this have to do with records at The Vogue.  Well, there was a copy of The Poetry of Geoffery Chaucer in the soundtrack bin.  No idea why this is a soundtrack unless Matt has watched Ribald Tales of Canterbury.  This is shit like The Parliament of Fowls and Troilus and Cressida.  In Lou’s opinion, this stuff is junk.  Sadly, the course on Chaucer ended with this Coda, which was a bit of a downer as far as the class was concerned.  Lou would have front loaded the course with the deep cuts and ended the course with Chaucer’s Led Zeppelin IV, the Tales.  

Seeing the Chaucer record got Lou thinking about that remake of The Canterbury Tales.  Lou has always pictured Belladonna in the role of the Wife of Bath.  She knows how to play a gap-toothed whore, and she has mainstream acting experience.  She had a role in Inherent Vice.  

We all know

Of inherent vice

In cargo

It also holds

In porno

In the industry

It is the tendency

Of a sex object

To self-destruct

Due to intrinsic

Internal characteristics

Like a weak construct

Or poor quality

Instability

Or incompatibility

Of the sex object

Well Belladonna

Has the goods

She’s insurable

And invaluable

Cause she’s doable

And very durable

 

Paul Thomas Anderson knows talent.  Just ask Nina Hartley.  Let’s make this happen.

Suggested Sites and Sounds:

Pasolini’s Tales:  I Racconti di Canterbury - Pier Paolo Pasolini

The Tales Animated:  The Canterbury Tales Animation Complete

Has It Gotten Any Better:  The Canterbury Tales: The English Language's First Masterpiece | Literary Classic | Absolute History

Belladonna Does Vice:  Belladonna vs happy tsnk - YouTube

 

— Lou Waxman