Lynyrd Skynyrd – Gimme Back My Bullets (1976) album cover

Gimme Back My Bullets: Lynyrd Skynyrd and the “Free Bird” That Got Away

September 13, 2026

Mitch Hedberg, who is Steven Wright on heroin (Steven Wright is Steven Wright on ludes), had a line that went something like, “If I knew then what I know now, I would dominate in Little League.” There are few comics who are innovators, Hedberg was one of them. Then again you could argue he was not innovative at all; he was merely Steven Wright on junk.

Anyhoo, Lou thinks of Hedberg’s line when Lou thinks of the time Lou went to a bar underage in his hometown after his freshman year of college and was thoroughly embarrassed. If Lou could turn back time, as Cher would say. When Lou tells you he thinks of this moment all the time, it is sad but true.

One of Lou’s friends from high school scored a summer job at a bar outside of town. There could not be a more plum job than that. Maybe working at an adult book and video store. When he was working, Lou would head on over for a few pops and scout the local talent. The bar was known as a pick-up joint for a slightly older crowd, which for Lou meant late 20s and 30s. Another of Lou’s friends was at the bar and blew the most wide-open open goal of all time. It was disgraceful. If he lived in Colombia or Argentina, a cartel of local gigolos would have cut his balls off.

The bar was something of a hot spot for grazing, so it surprised Lou one night when he was sitting at the bar talking to his bartender friend and Lou got a tap on the shoulder. It was his stepfather. Lou’s friend came right over and asked if Lou wanted another drink. What an asshole!! Lou’s stepfather laughed and bought Lou a drink and got one for himself and his friend. The friend was a local businessman who was well-known for his commercials on TV and for being an all-around lunatic. His thing was to do a priest routine in a bar and bless people who came up to him.

My stepfather knew a lot of alcoholics, er, characters. One guy would dress like a monster in full special effects makeup and scare the shit out of people. Lou’s parents invited The Monster over for dinner when Lou was very young and they kept telling Lou that The Monster was going to get Lou, The Monster was going to get Lou. Lou better get ready for The Monster. Lou went off to bed and when he was about to fall asleep a raging werewolf barged into the room, howling for blood. Lou pissed his pjs. Another guy took a stuffed Alf doll wherever he went, going so far as to seat the doll at the tables of fine restaurants and order Alf dinner. Once at the mall during a boat show, Lou was with his stepfather enjoying his Baskin-Robbins Baseball Nut cone (as one does), when a guy started talking to Lou’s stepfather. We were introduced. He seemed a bit off but that was not unusual. Another character. Lou came to find out years later that the guy was blind drunk and bought a boat and did not remember it until they attempted to deliver it. Good times.

As Lou’s stepfather was talking to Lou and enjoying his drink, a guy came up and called him “The Mayor” and proceeded to kiss the ring and generally fall all over him. It was really weird. Lou’s stepfather was embarrassed but the guy went on and on saying how cool it was to see him and so on and so on. That was when Lou realized his stepfather was a local legend. Or a character.

But that was not the embarrassing moment Lou plays repeatedly in his head as he sings Eddie Money’s, “I Wanna Go Back”. This was another time that Lou was at the bar minding his own business. A woman came up to the bar next to Lou and she looked a bit hard but hot. Kinda like those women in mug shots who go viral. What the hell, Lou decided to shoot his shot. She looked at Lou with disdain and asked, “What’s your favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song”. As all of Lou’s readers know, Lou was not worldly about music in his youth. He was lucky that he knew a Skynyrd song at all. Lou said the one he knew: “Sweet Home Alabama”. She looked Lou up and down, again with disdain, and said, “Free Bird”, and walked away.

This moment has tormented Lou for years. It is symbolic of Lou’s complete innocence and naivety as a young man. Lou did not know his asshole from his elbow. Lou thought about all this again as he picked up a copy of Skynyrd’s fourth studio album Gimme Back My Bullets at The Vogue. To go with his (Pronounced 'Lĕh-'nérd 'Skin-'nérd), Second Helping, Nuthin’ Fancy, Street Survivors, and One More from the Road. In short, all the albums that matter. It has taken time, but Lou now knows his Skynyrd to some degree of competence. As Lou looks back on it, it is possible that this woman did not know shit about the band. Saying “Free Bird” is a complete cliché. Nowadays, Lou would say, “Sure ‘Free Bird’ is a great song, but not off their debut, you got to listen to the version on their live album. Skynyrd was a live band. Like Deep Purple.” Or “Well, my dear, you are going to probably say something like ‘Sweet Home Alabama’ or ‘Free Bird’, but Lou here is a simple man and he likes ‘Tuesday’s Gone’, if you’re talking about their first album. You want to come back to Lou’s bedroom in his parents’ house and listen to it.” Some shit like that.

Skynyrd was not a great live band. They were a great band, period. They could do it all. The studio shit is superb. Not a bad album until the crash. Few bands have never put out a bad album. You could say the Beatles did it. Lou would beg to differ. The albums before the band got radicalized by Bob Dylan are dreadful to Lou’s ears. Led Zeppelin never put out a bad album. That includes Coda. Some albums are absolute masterpieces, but even the uneven ones, like Presence and In Through the Out Door, are damn good. If these albums were done by Humble Pie or Grand Funk, they would be the best things in their entire catalog. Led Zeppelin is penalized for being fucking Led Zeppelin. Lou would also put the Police on this list even though Lou does not like the Police. Lou can’t deny it; they had an arresting sound on all their albums. Now that Lou thinks about it, The Velvet Underground never put out a bad album. Same with The Stooges. Jimi Hendrix. Cream. Nirvana. (You might say Steely Dan or Queen, but in your heart of hearts you know they never made a good album.). This is probably a longer list than Lou thought. But Led Zeppelin maintained supreme excellence for nine albums, with not a misstep. Not three albums or four. That type of consistency must be unique. Think about it.

Gimme Back My Bullets isn’t earth shattering but it is a good album. Lou will listen to it multiple times thinking about that lady from days of yore. If only she could see Lou now. She would probably dig through Lou’s record collection and pull out Street Survivors and drop the needle on “That Smell”. She got Lou again. Ouch!!