Beyond the Ninth Circle: Lou Waxman Discovers Debbie Lynn Davidson

If Dante the poet or maybe Dante the main character from Clerks opened a record store, it would be called The Ninth Circle.  It would be somewhat modeled after The Vogue and how Lou browses it.

First Circle:  The Wall of Vinyl

Second Circle:  The New Arrivals

Third Circle:  The Pop and Rock Section

Fourth Circle:  The Jazz Section

Fifth Circle:  Soundtracks

Sixth Circle:  Country

Seventh Circle:  The $10 bin

Eighth Circle:  The $2 Bin

Ninth Circle:  Free

Recently, The Vogue went full Ninth Circle at The Ninth Circle as Matt was offering free platters to whoever came into the shop and wanted to take them away.  The Ninth Circle, also known as Treachery, is the home of traitors.  There reside those who have cheated the Muses and the bitch goddess Music.  The damaged, the warped, the scratched and scuffed.  Talking about the artists here as much as the vinyl itself.  Instrumentals of show tunes by Z-List versions of Lawrence Welk.  Classical records by obscure orchestras and backwoods conductors of A-List composers.  Soundtracks to movies that nobody saw.  LPs by pre-Beatles British rock stars manufactured by gay managers.  

The Ninth Circle of Hell is also home to Lucifer himself.  For Dante, Lucifer is gendered male, but in vinyl Hell, Lucifer is gendered female.  No, she is not Carly Simon.  Carly is one of Lucifer’s minions, and she resides in the $10 bin, where her LPs multiply like gremlins or a bowl of Grape Nuts.  Lucifer can only be one artist and she is Babs.  Yes, Yentl herself lords over the deepest, most frozen part of Hell.

Lou has often dreamed of having a bookstore that followed this model except that it would be all Ninth Circle stuff.  Old, out-of-date telephone books.  Instruction manuals for discontinued appliances.  Maps of Eastern Europe from before the Fall of Communism.  People’s junk mail and invoices and receipts.  Used Post-it notes.  Classics of literature that have the marginalia of Mongoloid-level high school students.  Old menus.  Newsletters from abandoned churches and shuttered high schools.  There would be an adult section but the only thing in it would be Victoria’s Secret and Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogs.  You get the idea.

Of course, nothing would be for sale, and the store would be by appointment only.  It is also BYOB.  Bring lots of B, which means beer, which means PBR, which means pounders.  Clothing is optional at The Ninth Circle, but the B is required to enter.  Cigars, box press only, are appreciated, but not mandatory.  Lou’s dog will be on the premises, so bring little bits of hot dog for her so she does not chew your face off.  Mean bitch.  Babs-level mean.  

The store would have a record player, which would play curated vinyl from Lou’s stacks.  Again, none of these records are for sale, but Lou will allow guests (not customers, mind you, as nothing is for sale.  This is like window-shopping in Communist cities, maybe Prague or Budapest, before the Wall fell.) to make requests.  Lou will happily play these requests should he own them.  The Ninth Circle is not like Cheers, nor is it a roach motel.  It is a place to take a breath, take a sip, and browse the obsolete and the useless.  A microcosm of life itself.

But seriously, Matt did give away free records and, truly, there was a ton of Babs in there.  Lou got to the free stuff a couple of days late, so what remained was beyond free.  It was stuff that you cannot even give away for free.  Matt might have to start paying customers to take them off his hands.  Like a bad contract in the NBA.  What lies below the Ninth Circle?  To paraphrase Sam Kinison, you can’t possibly go any lower, wait, look, Lou has found another layer.

Lou did pick up Yeh Yeh by Georgie Fame, one of those pre-Beatles rock stars mentioned above.  Everything else was junk, beyond junk.  Lou should have mentioned that The Ninth Circle is also the home of the broken dreams of child performers, who never became stars.  For all intents and purposes, these are vanity projects by helicopter stage parents, who are looking for a lottery ticket in the imagined talent of their kids.  There are thousands of these records and for every Shaggs, who have become cult classics, there are others that suffer from something worse than lack of talent.  They are boring.  There is no spark.

Debbie Lynn Davidson, the ten-year old on the cover of I Want to be a Country Singer, set off sparks for Lou.  Lou just has a sixth sense when it comes to shit in the Ninth Circle.  Lou always sniffs out something interesting.  There was something residing in Debbie Lynn’s face.  Maybe it was the fact that her head was basically all teeth.  Lou can’t put a finger on it.  Debbie Lynn called out to Lou.  

Lou could have had absolutely no idea of how right he was.  Debbie Lynn Davidson is not a country singer.  She is not a country star.  She is something better.  A cult without any followers.  A true original.  She sings alone and can be heard as a barely audible echo.  And she is a fellow Berks County Pennsylvanian.  

That is what blew Lou’s mind.  I Want to be a Country Singerwas released by Cornucopia Records out of Reading, PA in 1978.  Box 201, 48 & Perkiomen Avenue to be exact.  Recorded at A.V. Studios in Reading, PA.  Lou’s hometown!!  How has Lou never heard of any of this before?  This is Reading, PA history.  Debbie Lynn is as important as native sons Wallace Stevens and John Updike.

There are a few liner notes on the back of the LP.  Debbie Lynn was discovered by Shorty Long, another Reading, PA legend.  Full disclosure:  Lou had no idea that Shorty was a legend or anything about him until he discovered this record beyond the Ninth Circle.  Again, how can this be?  First things first.  This Shorty Long is not the soul singer.  He is also not the Shorty Long who fronts The Jersey Horns.  Real Shorty hates all this confusion.  Shorty is his own man.  Shorty Long is also a true original.  

Here are a few tidbits from the long, interesting history of Shorty Long.  There are a few obituaries from the local Reading newspapers, but Lou will be damned if he is going to pay $1 for access to a newspaper.  Lou can’t do it on principal.  There isalso some Facebook information about Shorty.  Lou can’t sign up for Facebook on principal.  Lou has a lot of principals.  

Born Emidio Vagnoni, he formed the Santa Fe Rangers with his wife and performed for more than forty years.  Both had opportunities in Nashville, but they could not quit Berks County and preferred to recreate Nashville there.  In 1948, they opened the Santa Fe Ranch, twenty acres in Exeter Township.  Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, and Loretta Lynn were a few of those who performed there regularly.  In 1965, they bought 65 acres at Ontelaunee Park in New Tripoli in Lehigh County.  Loretta Lynn loved it there.  Shorty appeared on The Tonight Show and Ed Sullivan.  His wife performed at the Grand Ole Opry and had the chance to travel with Roy Acuff.  Berks County pulled them home.

Long’s story short is his involvement with true greatness, whichis actually one of the most important moments in the history of music.  Shorty played the piano and led the sessions of Elvis Presley when Presley recorded “Don’t Be Cruel” and “Hound Dog”.  Not bad.  Did Lou mention Shorty’s wife was named Dolly Dimples?  You can’t make this shit up.  And don’t make any jokes about Chuck E. Cheese.  Dolly hates that shit.

Shorty Long knew talent when he saw it and Shorty saw talent in ten-year old Debbie Lynn Davidson.  “I just saw a ten-year-old girl perform who completely knocked me out.  It reminded me of the time we had Brenda Lee at Santa Fe Ranch many years ago.  She was about the same age and created the same excitement.”  Shorty, along with Cal Lieberman, Sam Hindin,and Johnny Speca, were so sure of Debbie Lynn’s talent that they started Cornucopia Records to get her on wax.  

There is not much information about Cornucopia Records.  From what Lou can see on Discogs, Debbie Lynn’s album is the only full-length the company issued.  There is a Debbie Lynn 45:  “Stay Away from My Daddy/How Far Is Heaven”.  This is an attempt to release a single from the album.  It was released in 1977 and provides a taste of the LP to come.  There is a Shorty Long 45:  “I Never Met a Girl I Didn’t Like” as well as 45s from Les Cleaver and the Gallant Riders, Carol Wehry, and John Garloff.  This is all country stuff.

But it all starts with Debbie Lynn Davidson.  “She’s going to be a super star”.  

Lou must admit that he was nervous before dropping the needle on the record.  This had nothing to do with the content of the LP.  It was clear to Lou that Debbie Lynn had the goods.  The record was going to be great.  Spoiler:  It was better than Lou ever imagined.  No, Lou was terrified that the record was damaged in some way.  The record played awesome.  Thank God!!!

Lou does not usually go into detail about the actual music on the LPs he writes about, but Debbie Lynn is different.  She deserves a close listen.

The first track is “I Want to be a Country Singer”.  A statement of purpose.  Debbie Lynn does not fuck around.  She knows who she is and she knows what she wants.  She is mature beyond her years.  When Lou dropped the needle, he thought the player was at the wrong speed.  It sounded like a Chipmunk track.   So, Debbie Lynn might appear to be mature in intent, but she isclearly ten-years old.  Remember this, it is important later.  

The song takes the form of Debbie Lynn telling her teacher what she wants to be when she grows up, and you guessed the rest.  The song is fine.  It might be a statement of purpose, maybe even a manifesto, but it is not a lead single.  Shorty Long knows talent, which is why this title track was not also released as a 45.

The next track is “Gentle Shepherd”, and this song goes with “Heavenly Rain” as a taste of gospel country.  So far so good.  Debbie Lynn wants to be a star, but she is at heart a God-fearing soul.  Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, Dolly Parton.  This is the template for every female country star up to the 1970s.  Shorty knows not to mess with a track record like that.  You can’t buck history.

Skipping around a bit, there are two Christmas-themed tracks:  “Leave a Bone for Nippo” and “Christmas Is”.  Lou has been remiss in mentioning that most of the songs on the LP are originals written by Shorty Long and Johnny Speca.  This isn’t some ripoff debut padded with covers, like those no talents The Beatles.  Remember Debbie Lynn is a true original.  Lou cannot say it enough, Shorty Long knows talent.

So, Debbie Lynn believes in herself, God, and Santa Claus.  So far so good, but things start to go off the rails with the third track:  “Don’t Start Something You Can’t Finish”.  Oh dear, Debbie Lynn is a pint-sized Tammy Wynette.  Not good.  Then comes “Country Fever”.  Possibly too hot for a ten-year old.  Followed up by “Everybody’s Looking for Love”.  Lou started getting tots and tiara vibes here.  

It gets worse on side two.  It opens with “I Want to See the Sunshine in Your Smile”.  Fine.  Lou can live with it, but the album goes way over the top with the third track on side two:  “I’m Just a Little Girl Looking for a Big Boy”.  Say what?  Lou was willing to overlook a lot of this torch song bullshit, but this is too much.  What if Pretty Baby-era Brooke Shields put out a disco album in the style of Donna Summer?  Yikes.  It is that bad here.  

At this point, Lou starts questioning Shorty Long and his famous eye for talent.  Remember Shorty’s 45 on Cornucopia:  “I Never Met a Girl I Didn’t Like”.  Umm, ok, perhaps.  Then there is what now seems like a creepy picture on the back cover of Debbie Lynn with a microphone near her mouth sitting on Shorty’s lap while he gives her a kiss on the cheek.  Weird.  Shorty did not write the “Big Boy” song, which can be blamed on Pat Sickafus.  Sick as Fuck, right?  This has to be Shorty in disguise.  It is at this point that the undercurrent of yuckiness about this album becomes strong, but let’s be honest anything involving kids is unseemly and potentially dangerous.  Lord of the Flies, dude.  Children are monsters.

Side two has three songs that go together:  “Mama Worries”, “Stay Away from My Daddy”, and “How Far Is Heaven?” Shorty, who knows talent (never forget this), released “Stay Away” and “How Far” as Debbie Lynn’s single.  Granted these tracks go together but that does not make it right.  Debbie Lynn warns some evil skank to stay away from Daddy, because Daddy belongs to Mommy and me.  Then Daddy dies (of guilt, of shame, murdered by Debbie Lynn) and goes to heaven.  Let Lou get this straight not only is Debbie Lynn being sexualized, but she has daddy issues?  Is that what you are telling Lou, Shorty?  It makes Lou wonder if down the road Lou saw Debbie Lynn dancing at Al’s Diamond Cabaret on the early shift on a random Tuesday.  Or did she go the porn route like follow Pennsylvanians Nikki Dial and Devon?  Random observation:  Pennsylvania has an outsized share of famous quarterbacks and porn stars.  Not sure if this is related.

When side two ended Lou realized he had been on a wild ride.  From the back cover:  “This is Debbie’s first album.  It will someday become a collector’s item because she is destined to make many more.  Nothing can stop her energy and natural talent, and she is just as pretty and nice a girl as she is talented”  If the album is collectible, it is because she never made another album ever and never became famous.  There are some copies on eBay. Signed copies if you can believe it.  In some world it may be collectible as a country curiosity.

In 1974, when Debbie was even younger, she released a single “Treat Me Like a Lady” on Relco Records.  Relco was based out of Nashville and recorded a ton of schlock.  But what the fuck?  When is a six-year-old considered a lady?

Debbie Lynn has almost disappeared.  A little bit on the web.  On Discogs, few have her records.  A few more want them.  It has been a couple of years since one sold..  None are reviewed.  Nothing on YouTube.  Some Facebook and Reddit stuff is out there, including a Retro York post that looks promising. Interestingly, according to the back cover of the LP, she appeared on Hee Haw, but Lou could not find the clip.  Like Su Tissue, Debbie Lynn has essentially disappeared.  Not easy to do.

But Debbie Lynn is tremendously important.  Monumentally important.  As important as Shorty Long.  Debbie Lynn crawled, so Taylor Swift could soar.  That is right.  Taylor Swift was the reincarnation of Debbie Lynn when Debbie Lynn’s dreams diedback in 1978..  Taylor Swift grew up in Wyomissing, Pennsylvania, and, if you don’t know, that is Reading, baby.  Don’t try and class it up, Miss Swift. Taylor is Reading through and through.  She has Debbie Lynn and her ambition in her DNA.

If Taylor Swift were not so self-involved, dating football dudes and other Hollywood pretty boys, if Taylor Swift were not going to football games and destroying the environment taking jets everywhere and living the Goop Life in the Hamptons or Newport, Taylor would remember where she came from and get her fucking publicist or assistant or a pack of Swifties to track down Debbie Lynn Davidson in order to re-issue her LP and then get her to perform with Taylor in a massive stadium.  Debbie Lynn could have performed “I’m Just a Little Girl Looking for a Big Boy” at Taylor’s wedding.  For once in your life Taylor, do some good with your fame and don’t just focus on yourself.  We need Debbie Lynn Davidson in our lives.

Personally, Lou has no interest in seeing Debbie Lynn perform with Taylor Swift.  Taylor can’t hold Debbie Lynn’s microphone. No, Lou would have loved to see her on HatchyMilatchy or Chief Halftown.  Maybe a song with Al Deal jamming on guitar.  Better yet, to see her perform at Al Kline’s Paddock with a mug of Genese 12-Horse Ale while sitting on a saddle scanning the chicks free-ranging around.  How far is heaven?, Debbie Lynn asks.  It is when you cross the threshold of the Paddock’s door and you are greeted, not with the trumpets of the Lord or harps or whatever, but the angelic Chipmunk warbling of Debbie Lynn Davidson.  That is heaven.

So, the question remains:  How in the hell did a copy of this record get up to Ellsworth, Maine?  It is bizarre.  Maybe Debbie Lynn lives in the area, hiding from her fans.  Count Lou as a new fan, Debbie!!  More likely, someone in the Davidson family lived Downeast and Shorty sent up a copy. Like with Lou’s blog, Debbie Lynn’s album probably did not go further than friends and family.  Sadly, this copy was not signed.  So maybe the family theory is out.

Debbie Lynn Davidson, you are all grown up now.  Does a big girl still look for a big boy?  Because if you’re ever in Ellsworth and you see a fat dude drinking a PBR pounder looking like a homeless dope, say hi, because he is your biggest fan.  

Suggested Sites and Sounds:

From a Shorty Long Player: Shorty long and the Nashville ramblers play and sing country greats album side1

Dolli Dimples:  Dolli Dimples - Hello Dolli

“Don’t Be Cruel”:  1956 HITS ARCHIVE: Don’t Be Cruel - Elvis Presley (a #1 record)

“Hound Dog”:  1956 HITS ARCHIVE: Hound Dog - Elvis Presley (a #1 record)

Al Kline’s Paddock:  MENU circa 1940 The Paddock Restaurant Reading PA, Sunshine Beer, Berks County | #1904749222

Squint and It’s Debbie Lynn:  taylor swift at 13 singing her first song

— Lou Waxman