Throw in a lot of Raiders of the Lost Ark vibes. Add peak Kathleen Turner post-Body Heat. What the heck put in Michael Douglas before he really blossomed and became peak leading man Michael Douglas. And you have one of the feelgood movies of the entire 1980s: Romancing the Stone (1984).
I am not going to lie. I like Romancing the Stone more than Raiders. The basic elevator pitch of the movie I will steal from Wikipedia: The film follows a romance novelist who must venture beyond her New York City comfort zone to Colombia to save her widowed sister from criminals who are holding her for ransom. To me the chemistry between Joan Wilder (Turner) and Jack Colton (Douglas) really cooks. There are sparks. The chemistry was such that War of the Roses was made to capitalize on it years later. Danny DeVito is particularly good translating his Taxi persona to the jungles of Colombia. The set pieces are fun and truly memorable. The sequence with Juan, a drug lord, who reads Joan Wilder’s novels and is a big fan and helps Joan and Jack escape from the villain Zolo with the help of his little burro is particularly good. There is romance. There is action. There is comedy. This might be a top ten 80s movie for me.
According to film executives, the movie was supposed to be a dud. In fact, director Robert Zemeckis was dismissed from Cocoon, a huge 80s smash, after early screenings of Romancing the Stone left executives flat. But the movie proved to be a hit. Critics generally loved it as did audiences, the movie made more than $100 million and spawned a sequel The Jewel of the Nile in late 1985. Jewel sucks. The original movie was such a success that Zemeckis was greenlighted to make Back to the Future, another 80s highlight. Ronald Reagan watched the movie at Camp David. Throughout the 80s and beyond there were attempts to make a third Romancing movie and when Douglas and Turner aged out of the roles, remakes were considered with the stars du jour throughout the 2000s.
But this trip through memory lane about a movie I remember watching in the theater and on VHS from the local video store is not why you are here. You want to know about a record, preferably a record you can buy. What we have is a bargain. The 45 of Eddy Grant’s Romancing the Stone, a song that was obviously written to be the theme song for the movie but in fact is barely featured in the film. The theme for Romancing is an instrumental of musak cheese that would play well in the romance section of a Waldenbooks in a suburban mall in the mid-80s. And I love it so.
As I love “Romancing the Stone” by Eddy Grant from his 1984 album Going for Broke. With the B-side “My Turn to Love You.” Post-Electric Avenue Eddy Grant would be a big name and an exotic performer that fit in with the truly inspiring on-location filming in Romancing in Mexico. I suspect the producers showed Grant a rough cut of the movie and said,“Have at it.” And Eddy professional that he is, came up with a true classic. Check out these lyrics:
Tonight, tonight I'm falling where the peaceful waters flow
Where the unicorn's the last one at the water hole
I have found a love so precious like an emerald so bold
It's a firelight escaping from the jeweller's hold
Unicorn? WTF? But Eddy, a true giant, gets in Romancing’s McGuffin flawlessly. This is genius. One quibble: I would say that Grant missed a major opportunity not rhyming El Corazon with stone in at least one of the stanzas. Not sure what happened there.
As for the song, as with much of the 1980s music, what matters is the video. And the video for “Romancing the Stone” is genius. It plays off the plot of the movie and has some crap about a photographer on a photoshoot. There is suggested romance vibes between Grant and the photographer. By the way, the photographer is giving off major Tori Welles vibes. Which brings us to the proof that Romancing the Stone was a major 80s flick. There was a porn parody almost immediately. It could be that the porn came out before the actual movie since the pun ops were so good. To be honest the parody was run of the mill porn stuff circa 1984 starring Barbie Dahl, who was not a major player on the scene, like Ginger Lynn or, dare I mention her name, Traci Lords. In the Bone, Tasha Voux as the fluffer even less so. But what makes the song and the video so good and, yes, so ripe for parody, is the god-awful guitar solo. Watching the video, you might think this is the first time Grant has ever held a guitar.
But Grant knew what he was doing. The song went to Number 26 on Billboard and Number 12 on the dance charts, and was a hit internationally, reaching Number 7 in Canada. The song was successful enough that they kind of repeated the magic with the theme song to the sequel Jewel of the Nile, “When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going” by Billy Ocean which was huge, reaching Number 2 on Billboard and Number 1 in the UK for four weeks in February 1986. As I remember well, the video, which featured Douglas, Turner, and DeVIto, lip-syncing and goofing around with instruments was on heavy, heavy rotation on MTV. The song was more successful than the movie, Jewel, which did not live up to the success of the original film and was a box office disappointment. It is true, the sequel just did not have the magic of the original film.
But back to Eddy Grant’s masterpiece. This song and its video have become cult favorites despite not actually playing a large role in the movie. It is definitely not the movie’s theme song in any way despite the title of the song and the fact that it was obviously written to be prominently featured in the movie. It was not to be.
Luckily, Jimmy Fallon, as far as I know, has not parodied Romancing the Stone, but Family Guy, which does the funny much better than Fallon, has taken a swipe at Stone at least twice, including a great dig at Eddy Grant’s classic.
So, if you are feeling a little nostalgic for some of that more obscure 80s magic and you want a truly inspiring guitar solo allegedly played by Eddy Grant. Drop a couple bucks and pick up “Romancing the Stone” on 45.
Suggested sites and sounds:
Kathleen Turner was a thing: 1981: Neonoir, Body Heat and Postman Always Rings Twice (Erotic 80s Part 4) — You Must Remember This
Eddy Grant in Romancing the Stone the Meh One: Romancing The Stone - Eddy Grant (HQ Audio)
Eddy Grant in Romancing the Stone the Good OneEddy Grant - Romancing the Stone (Official Music Video)
Billy Ocean and those famous back up singers: Billy Ocean - When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going (Official Video) - YouTube
Family Guy on the Stone: Family Guy - Romancing the Stone
Family Guy on the Stone Part II: Family Guy - Classic action movie themes
My Little Mule: Romancing the Stone (My Little Mule ....Pepe) scene
— Lou Waxman