Love or Something Like It: Kenny Rogers, Roasted Chicken, and Lou’s Crisis of Conscience

Flipping through the bins, Lou came across Kenny Rogers’ Love or Something Like It.  If you are a gambler, what do you think is the over/under on the price of this record?  Bets in?  It is $10.  Lou was surprised it wasn’t in the $2 pile.  The album, released in 1978, was Kenny’s fourth to reach number one and his fifth studio effort overall.  The title cut topped the charts and Kenny was riding high at this point.  The Gambler would come out later in the same year.  Not a bad run of luck or something like it.  But seeing poor Kenny on the cover in what looks to be a track suit gave Lou a case of the sads.  By the time Lou was in histwenties everybody was making fun of Kenny, including Kenny.  He would proclaim himself the King of Plastic Surgery and Lou could not hear a song of his without the sound of vacuum cleaners in the background.

For Lou, Kenny has always been something of a joke.  Will Sasso of MadTV made a career out of making fun of Kenny.  Sasso can do a mean impression.  His Jesse Ventura is spot on, but Sasso’s Kenny Rogers is one of the meanest and it was on MadTV constantly.  It is up there with John Candy’s Orson Welles in terms of epic takedowns.  In terms of YouTube viewing, Saturday Night Live, SCTV, and In Living Color get most of the love from Lou, but MadTV had some inspired bits as well.  As the name of the show would imply, there was always something bat-shit crazy about MadTV.  It was off the rails.  It ran for fourteen seasons but never got the love of the critics, like SNL did from time to time, while it was running.  Most critics shit on it, but over time the show has been reassessed by some as one of the great sketch shows.  Daring and diverse.  Key and Peele met through MadTV and went on to greater things.  Legends Bobby Lee and Artie Lange were on the show demonstrating that the show was as crazy off set as on.  Extremely so for Artie Lange who did not last long.

Impressions were a huge part of the show.  Will Sasso did Randy Newman, Robert De Niro, and James Gandolfini as well as Kenny Rogers.  Bobby Lee did Connie Chung.  Frank Caliendo,who made a career out of doing sports impressions for the NFL broadcasts, did John Madden on MadTV first.  Bill Cosby had the piss taken out of him by Aries Spears long before Cosby was cancelled.  MadTV was ready and willing to offend.  To compete with SNL, it approached and went over an edge that SNL shied away from.

Sasso’s Kenny Rogers was definitely over the top.  But then again so was Kenny himself and in some cases his music as well.  Adam Carolla and Norm MacDonald’s discussion of Kenny Rogers’ “Coward of the County” is one of the great YouTube clips.  I have talked about Norm MacDonald before and he is one of Lou’s favorites, but there was a time when Lou listened regularly to Adam Carolla.  Carolla is one of the best podcasters ever and he along with Bill Simmons can be considered the fathers of the format in terms of building a podcast network.  Carolla also fought against patent trolls who attempted to extort the medium when it was exploding.  Carolla, like him or not, is one of the most influential figures in the history of podcasting.  And no one can riff like Carolla.  He is one of the few comics who can fill a four-hour show with absolutely nothing prepared.  Listen to Carolla and MacDonald on “Coward of the County”, great stuff.  Then, find Carolla pitching the movie Peda-Isle for truly unhinged improv.  

So, over the years people have piled on poor Kenny and Lou did too.  No longer because Lou, like Kenny, has been waging war with the bulge for years and Lou feels for Kenny’s struggles.  Now you might think that Lou’s weight issues result from his consumption of fermented beverages.  Fair.  But Lou also likesto eat fried chicken, which gets us back to Kenny.  Kenny Rogers Roasters, founded in conjunction with an ex-executive from Kentucky Fried Chicken, was marketed as a healthier chicken joint.  Of course, it was the source of jokes.  Famously Seinfeld structured an episode around a Kenny Roasters subplot.  The restaurant was never really taken seriously, was it?  Kenny got the last laugh.  The restaurant is very popular globally.

Lou was not a Kenny Rogers Roaster man, but he did fuck with Boston Market for quite a bit in his twenties.  This had absolutely nothing to do with health benefits.  Dubious as they were.  It was because it was a shit ton of food for cheap.  Half a chicken with two sides was something like $7.99 as Lou remembers.  This deal brought Lou through the doors of Boston Market two or three times a week.  But where he really wanted to be and where he goes now is KFC.  Lou is down with The Colonel.  And we are not talking about Boogie Nights.  Strictly the original eleven herbs and spices.  No extra crispy for Lou.  Always an eight-piece bucket, all thighs and breasts.  Do not bother Lou with wings and drumsticks.  In terms of fast food, the chicken sandwich has dominated the scene in recent years, but Lou does not have time for Chick-Fil-A or any of the other chicken sandwiches.  Popeye’s is trash.  Lou wants a bucket of the original recipe.  With bones.  As far as chicken sandwiches go, Lou actually likes the sad, old school chicken sandwich at Burger King.  In fact, which is the only thing Lou will eat at Burger King.  Burger King is gross.  The vast improvement of the fast-food burger, such as Five Guys and Shake Shack, is one of the only examples of true progress in the 21st Century.

Kenny, Lou is sorry.  He should not laugh when he sees Will Sasso or hears Adam Carolla and Norm MacDonald.  Looking at the cover of Love or Something Like It, Lou now sees himself looking back at him.  Husky.  Burly.  Brawny.  Anything but fat.  Maybe Kenny, like Lou, was trying to fill an emptiness insidestuffing himself with roasted chicken.  What was missing?  Love or something like that.

Suggested Sites and Sounds:

Poor Kenny:  Kenny Rogers on his plastic surgery: "I regret that"

Getting Kenny By the Balls:  MADtv - Kenny Rogers: Kenny's Testicle Examination Booth

Better than a 33 1/3 Book on Kenny Rogers:  Norm Macdonald & Adam Carolla Break Down Kenny Rogers Songs

Kenny Rogers Roasters:  A History:  The History of Kenny Rogers Roasters

Kenny Rogers Roasters:  Kenny Rogers' Roasters Commercial 1995

Kenny Rogers Roasters Is Not a Joke:  How America's Lost Chicken Chain Became a Global Success

Kenny and Kramer:  Kramer Gets Hooked On Kenny Roger's Chicken | The Chicken Roaster | Seinfeld